I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
