You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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