I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
