They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
