remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
