I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
