I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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