And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
