dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
