i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
