I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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