I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
