can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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