What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
