Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
