From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
