shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
