we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
