Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
