The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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