Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I had to cum in my sink.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
