it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My breasts were aching with rage.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
