im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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