im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
