my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
