census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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