he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
