So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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