i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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