Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
