Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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