are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
