I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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