Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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