my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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