Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
