I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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