I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
