At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
