Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
