So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
