he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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