Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
