I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
