She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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