One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There r osticjed everywhere
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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