well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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