saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
