so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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