Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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