I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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