so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
