As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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